You know, I just realized it from reading my last post -- I think I'm turning into an asshole. "Little tired of them..." Pshah. Some of my friends would kill to get ensemble roles because they're -so- scared of the show and haven't got enough self-confidence to look themselves in the mirror without groaning. What happened to me? I was fairly happy being ensemble in Where's Charley. I was cool with Casino in Grease, and ended up with the a non-lead solo. Ensemble parts -have- gotten me places and let me do some great stuff. Just...whatever. I'll figure it out another time -- I've got other crap to worry about now.

Feh. Sweet Charity auditions today.

The audition feels almost like a formality for me this time. It's...a little depressing (but remember, as a teenager writing online, it should be!) I am interested in doing the show, I guess. Chris and Sung and plenty others seem more enthusiastic (and I do suppose they have the right to be,) and it's not to say that I don't wanna do the show, just...I'm not as gung-ho. Some other people are, though. Ishibashi, I mean, whoo! Biggest whoop I've -ever- seen any principal give when he found out a month or so back. Nice to know someone's all up for it, even if it's not one of the students who ought to be performing in it. =)

I've heard a few excuses, usually that people don't have time to do the show (ie Rochelle and Carrie) but I wonder how many of them are more like Patricia and possibly Petra, unwilling to appear as 'one of those girls' in 'that kinda show'? (Paraphrased.) I tend to wonder how many of my closer friends might be auditioning now if it was a different show. Feh.

Still, we do have some people of talent auditioning, including but not limited to Missy, Chelsea, Alicia, Sarah, Chris (meh), Trev, and Yana, each possessed of their own area of expertise. (Goodness knows we'll need Chelsea, only got so many dancers who aren't afraid to shake onstage that I still consider a friend. Go figure?) And I mean, they're all my friends, which is looking up, but I'm still a little annoyed. I wanted Shar and Carrie to audition, darnit, and if I stop to think about it (which I haven't yet) I'll come up with a big list of other people I wish would've tried out. It's my last musical at Wash and possibly my last musical ever, anywhere -- I want to go out surrounded by my friends, in essence.

Then again, considering there were all of...what...maybe three faces in the room of 30 or so I didn't recognize, I suppose it's not too bad. Still, though, there are people that the VAPA department does and will sorely miss. Feh. Then again, I might not even have to worry -- with Sung and Chris (AND Max) trying out for the show, and probably all for lead roles...who knows? I'll probably have about as much luck with the show as I have before -- not that ensemble roles are -bad-, since you're still a part and work with your friends, but I'm admittedly a little tired of them...dammit.

Acting audition tomorrow, woo. Memorized my monologue in about three hours, though not solidly -- that's what 6th period tomorrow (and possibly bits of 4th, 5th, and smaller bits of 1st-2nd-3rd-7th-reg) is for! Sorta. Here goes nothing? I picked a great article by Dave Barry, although it's a bit on the long side -- may even be two minutes for all I know, I haven't timed it. I only need (only get, maybe) a minute, so this should be even more interesting, but I didn't want to do anything shorter -- a choice between being cut off and singing "Happy Birthday", effectively, because I still get pissed off at my own comic ability. Or lack thereof. I can crack good one-liners but I haven't found that I can -do- comedy acting. Another reason I wasn't real big on Sweet Charity -- can I figure out how to be funny?

Craaaazy. All of it.

Oddly, the dance audition worries me the least now, because I don't have to have anything memorized the same way and I perform it with three others -- seeing as Mayer is our one returning director/teacher/choreographer, I assume her style will be identical (although I wouldn't feel bad attempting Ulrich's jazz squares again...that was so funny it almost hurt).

In other news, I'm getting confused about a lot of things that have nothing to do with Sweet Charity (or even school and/or music in general) but since everybody -always- writes about the opposite sex, I'll just save it and wait until I can make it original. More tomorrow, either after auditions or once I'm back from SI in the evening.

Song of choice for the moment: Adiemus
Quote: But that goes down the toilet in the end, when the spell on the beast is finally broken and he is revealed to be, you guessed it -- Gary Condit. (Dave Barry)

Ugh. How how how how HOW do I manage to keep getting myself into these bloody wrecks?

I keep stuffing my weekends, which is good, except all on the same day, which is incredibly horribly bad. The soonest example is the val-day dance, this party thing, a vision series dance day, and the Walnut Creek competition. All next weekend. (Not this weekend -- 15th-16th.) Had to drop going to the dance day, basically. School, possibly rehearsals (who knows?) leave early (maybe), go to party thing, leave, go to dance, leave, go to sleep, leave, go to walnut creek...I refuse to go to UC Berkeley from 9AM to 6PM the day after a school dance and THEN go to competition. Not because I don't want to ('cause I do) but I know I'll probably kill myself, and then apparently I'm supposed to go do a photo shoot at UC Berkeley on SUNDAY. More possible, sure, 'cause that's it for the day, except for the household/weekend tasks...like homework maybe. Ugggghhhh.

That's not even the worst, though.

March 8th. Friday. That day: School. Possibly rehearsals for one thing or another. That evening: School Playathon. 24 hours of nonstop fun, games, singing, and food/sugar/coffee/naps/runs home/sleeping in chairs. Not my thing a whole lot but worth trying Except.... That day: Far Western District Convention & Competition, in FRESNO. No -way- can I make it, and I really should be here for the Playathon. Okay, fine, not going Friday, no biggie, it's cool.

March 9th. Saturday. Finish Playathon at ungodly hour of morning. Possibly leave way early and sleep, because: That morning/afternoon: Competition with VocalEase at SF State. Except: That afternoon: High School Quartet Competition. In FRESNO. My quartet wants to go to this, and I want to go so bad it almost hurts, but what are we gonna do? Sing at SFSU, drive four hours, sing again? Not even sure we can make it on time! It's crazy! ARGH! I'd just leave VE behind for this, I want to badly enough, except we don't compete much, we need the test run, and the three VE members of the quartet (me, Chris, and Mike) make up a lot of the strength of the group's guys. It'd just be painful to not go. Except....and so on. I think I'm gonna go nuts. (And possibly go to Fresno regardless.) I'm almost dead sure now that I'm not gonna perform with the Cable Car Chorus.

Dammit, life hurts when you don't have enough weekends in a freakin' month. Wonder if I should hit up the insanity now or later. Considering now. (Not that anything would change, I'm already insane, but you know....) Bleh.

Valentine's Day dance coming up, woo. First dance I've actually decided to go to almost right off the bat. Well, within half a week of hearing about it. I mean, winter ball I deliberated up until I got into the ballroom, basically. I thought about going home and getting a tie, for crying out loud, except I would've felt bad for Cathy and had to consider kicking my own ass. (Which hurts, mind you.) So, with a short nod to Kamy, I'm goin' to the val-day dance. This ought to be interesting....

Speaking of Kamy, once again we're dragging Kams and Clarita up here (well, their own volition) for a dance. Woo! Things are always...well...quite different if not more interesting. Something like that. =) Although now Trev seems to be up in the air. Would be interesting to see what happened if Trev didn't go and Clari did -- how many people does she know up here again? Can probably count it on one hand -- but now that she's been thrown into the mix, he's probably coming, knowing him. Not that it's a bad thing, mind you, just reflection. =)

Already had a tiny lil discussion with Becca about this: Valentine's Day = casual and therefore != dates and/or suits, looks like. Damned if I know what I am wearing, but hey, that's a different bridge to burn later. Still, just because dates aren't a "big thing" doesn't mean I can't consider asking someone to be my Valentine. I wonder if I should ask her?

The funny thing is that I can ask that without anyone knowing who the hell she is. Regardless of how deep the thoughts I write here are, though, I handed the address out so people could peek at it, and I think that's something I'm just not prepared to write quite yet. Ah, well.

I should ask her, though. She said she might not be going and that she doesn't know people, so either I'll have to fix that or hope it helps her decide...although considering it's me asking it might just convince her not to go. ; ) But I'm working on that. =p It's not like I'll be lonely...this is a Wash dance, after all, and I'll know almost everybody, and probably end up flitting around from place to place inside the dance. Just...it's nice to have somebody, I guess.

Then again, that's what I was thinking all through talking with Alicia and Rochelle on the ride back from Hayward. We talked about a couple things, including some of modern relationships' motivations, and I guess that would be one of mine. It's nice to have somebody. Not just a random somebody, mind you, or I'd almost be looking for someone like Sweet Charity. (Nyerk.) I practically have -a- somebody in mind, if I could just ask her, but once in a while I get scared and try to figure why I'm really doing this...

I guess it's because it's nice to have somebody. Where's that thought come from? It's not just something I cooked up off the top of my head. I guess...I've been around my group of friends for a while, and it's not a focus, but there's always talk of relationships on -- people sigh when they haven't got them and cheer when they have, with only the occasional exception. Maybe I'm letting my values be dictated by my circle in society and have no personal, original thoughts.

Then again, hell, maybe I'm with a bunch of people who think like I do. It's not like I haven't "got" anybody, just...I dunno. At this point maybe I'm just doing the tired-ramble-talk-out-of-my-ass again. The only sentence that keeps coming up that really explains how I'm thinking now is that it's nice to have someone. Even if it takes a couple repetitions sometimes, I can talk to her, even if I didn't call her so freakin' often. (Need to work on that.) Of course, I can talk to my 'sco-town' clique, too, but she's different, and I think maybe that's why I have the thought pattern I do.

It's all a bunch of bullpucky ramble, I suppose, but it helps to get it out and make up my mind. I'll ask her tomorrow. Or this week. Or keep pushing it back out of fear of rejection and worry. But I'll ask her, dammit. No point going nuts about it. Nice to make a decision once in a while....

Ride back gave me some stuff to think about. First part was fairly bad, with everyone getting out of their robes at the same time, ON THE BUS (ugh). Worked out eventually, though, and we stopped at Burger King for lunch (feeling classy all the way, lemme tell you.) One Chicken Sandwich later, I was talking to Alicia and Rochelle about their respective boyfriends. Both of them have very interesting outlooks on the whole modern girlfriend/boyfriend thing, and were kinda reflecting on what they'd done.

It feels odd. I feel guilty sometimes that I feel like I haven't had a relationship in a while, especially because as far as Jo, I -did-, but...I dunno. Maybe it just seems easily glossed over now, looking back, because so much has happened since then. Blink of an eye, and all that rot. It was just...a little odd listening to them talk. Nothing to identify with (besides my already being a straight guy and therefore not having a boyfriend, but that's something else altogether) but it feels odd that I can still dispense relationship advice -- Clarita says "marriage counselor" -- regardless of experience at this point.

Eh. Maybe I'll figure it out later. I've still got some thought and word left in me tonight -- there'll probably be one more blog entry anyway.

Oh, wow. Hayward was SO cool.

I mean, the bus ride there was ok. We sang a little, vascillating between G&D stuff, All-City stuff (which Chris sat out on) and VE stuff. Had the whole group who was going -- Sarah Yee, Crista, Urye, and Cheryl couldn't make it, and we didn't find Annie...I still wonder if she was on 32nd Ave -- the bus ended up on 30th, even though it shouldn't have. Wouldn't have had her robe anyway, though, I guess.

Mostly I sat around and listened to (or participated in) yet more singing on the bus. Woulda talked to Rochelle but she seemed to be alternating between sleep and listening to music. Okay, good times, considering she said she was up at, like, six AM. Ouuuch. =P

Hayward itself was a complete honest-to-goodness BLAST. (At least, I thought so.) It's impossible to describe everything I feel about that festival, and I'm probably making it out to be better than it was, but I still say it rocked. ;)

Got there, sat down, stood up within a minute and warmed up, sat down, stood up again within five minutes and hit the risers. Fauna Canzone felt shabby -- first song and mixed positions in a new place. The acoustics weren't bad at all, tell you that, but that'd figure considering it was a "recital hall" (the sign outside said so!) and not just some vague "auditorium". CSU Hayward's musical aspect strikes again! I kept feeling like I was overpowering the others, though, regardless of our having two or three basses out of 18 singers. I need to check all those notes, though...Raymond sounded like he was off, but knowing me it could be that I'm off, too. Happened through From a Distance most, and the refrain on Fauna.

From a Distance wasn't a bad piece, except I could feel myself losing tone whenever I leapt at a high note. Need vocal support work, yep yep yep. Wade in the Water was -cool-. Wasn't necessarily our best ever, but definitely our best song -- I can finally FEEL something in it. It took half a year, but there's finally more than empty notes and confusing rhythm, and it's visible. We can do so much with that song if we seriously stab at it...

The other groups were all very cool. Lincoln High from San Jose took the cake, though. All three of their songs garnered great responses and sounded beautiful, but their rendition of 'Adiemus' (the nonsense song now associated highly with Bush's words and sept 11) was beautiful. The sound, the vowel matching, the everything. WOW. Knock me over with a feather and stick a fork in me, I'm done.

I liked the others, too, though. Hillsdale sang "Dirait-on" RIGHT after most of us had just finished singing it for All-City, so I ended up shushing Marissa, who was singing quietly behind me. Maybe I shouldn'tve, okay, 'cause I guess I can't blame her, but still. =) They were great, but couldn't hear that third that Mr. Jefferson kept telling the baritones to hit. Go fig. =p

The San Leandro/Fremont combined triple chorus was a lot of fun, too, including the neat Irish lullaby with flute; I was quite impressed that three choirs could be dumped together like that and still sound that good -- makes me wonder what could happen if we got stuck with another group in SF. Or better yet, a group outside of SF...I've already made suggestions to Ulrich about VE (or just wash choir) doing something with the combined san leandro/fremont group, whom I found to be very friendly (the couple that I met. Mebbe they were outgoing types like me, but still -- opportunity to make new friends! Full speed ahead!) He sounded inclined. Oh HELL yeah. =D

I actually didn't think much of Hayward's University Singers. I was surprised at my own opinion -- we were high schoolers and they were supposed to be the top, directed by the esteemed Dr. David Stein, but...I dunno...something was lacking. It's like Heather told me later...couldn't pick anything specific out, but didn't like it much. Maybe if I listened again, but that's a luxury I won't have for a while.

So my goals for the rest of the semester are pretty much set, then.
Improve Wade in the Water and the rest of our songs, sing Adiemus at least once (we're getting the music! YEAH!), annoy Ulrich about following up on San Leandro/Fremont, and hopefully get to talk to a couple of those people I said a couple things to briefly in the hall. They really did seem like cool people. I have my ways... ;)

Oh, good grief. I had a very, very long thing to say here initially.

Then my blog died.

I'm not sure if something doesn't want me to talk or if the webserver just doesn't like me. Oh, well -- won't stop me anyway.

I'm completely out of words, though, so I'll just pretend the post went up and act surprised when nobody knows what the hell I mean. *chuckle* G'night. Maybe I'll get a few paragraphs or pages or posts at a time up about dances, parties, trips, friends, or my crush (no, I'm not telling yet) in the future, but for now, I think it's safe to just start with a simple base. Kinda like an old British scientific study.

An Overview of Scattered Intelligence
or
Intermittent Consistency

This could turn out to be pretty interesting.